Everyone has his own gift from God, one this and another that 1 Corinthians 7:7. It is, therefore, with some uneasiness that we specify the amount of food and drink for others. However, with due regard for the infirmities of the sick, we believe that a half bottle of wine a day is sufficient for each. But those to whom God gives the strength to abstain must know that they will earn their own reward. . . . in any case, take great care lest excess or drunkenness creep in. . . . let us at least agree to drink moderately, and not to the point of excess, for wine makes even wise men go astray Sirach 19:2. (RB 40.1-7)
The thing to realize about alcohol is that only other people consume too much of it. However, if you end the night with your face in the toilet, you’re the one who might have a problem. If you weren’t already sick before the party, there’s nothing wrong with the tap water. It’s not a virus if the kids don’t catch it. Unless a dozen people were hospitalized, and you see them on the news, it’s not food poisoning. Maybe you just drank too much.
You weren’t drunk. Not even clumsy. You didn’t do or say anything you regret: that’s good. But you still absorbed too much alcohol. The goal would be to take in less next time.
Moderation does not mean remaining faithful for the night to one drink with a name. Drinks with names betray you.
The easiest way to consume less is to shun hard liquor and stick with wine or beer. But if you’re the sort of person who can drink wine quickly, or if you have a talent for swallowing large quantities of beer, you might still have a problem. You may just have to be the person who goes to the bar and orders soda. If you ask for club soda with lime discreetly, your friends might think you’re drinking gin and tonic. It’ll be sort of like wearing a hair shirt beneath your clothes, back in the days of the monks. And God, who sees what you do in secret will reward you Matthew 6:16-18. Just say your prayers well before the party.
But will your friends let you refrain? If the whole basis of the relationship is alcohol, you might face a more difficult challenge. You may need new friends. This is a daunting prospect for anyone, but ask yourself this question: do you like them when you’re sober? Because if you need to drink in order to tolerate your own friends, then you don’t have very good ones. Better people are out there somewhere, but you won’t find them unless you go looking, and you won’t have time to go looking unless you walk away from the others.
Don’t drink and drive, but don’t drink alone either. For parents, drinking alone includes those times when you’re the sole adult in charge of small children. As they get older this is less of an issue, because they’re less dependent on you. But the mother at home alone should not be drinking alcohol. I’m not talking about pouring yourself a drink while you’re cooking dinner, and your husband is on the way home from work. I’m talking about the times when no one is on the way home.
Take a bath. You can always jump out of the bath in a crisis and still be functional.
Take a walk around the block. Remove yourself from the sound of shrieking. What you need is a moment of quiet, not a drink. By the time they figure out you’re gone, you’ll be back, feeling slightly more human for having uttered a wild and forlorn prayer for help. Remember that babies can’t harm themselves by screaming, but you can harm them if you lose control. Put the baby into the crib and walk away for half an hour.
Whatever is wrong, drinking alone will just make it worse. Ask for help. You never know when an old friend might point you in a new direction.
